Body Language
On any given day our body communicates to us thousands of times. Whether it be a gut feeling, a tell of hunger, thirst, or the need to take a deep breath. Sometimes it’s as subtle as a tinge of discomfort from a coworkers tone, or curious feeling after our partner is sarcastic. Our bodies speak in a different language than we do with others, it isn’t a text spelling it all out or a conversation with in depth dialogue. The tone can be completely lacking, the message may be jumbled, and all we have is a second to try and translate it all. Does our gut say we should turn down the promotion or is my lunch not sitting well? Am I tired or dehydrated? Or both? Am I stressed or excited about the idea of boundaries with my friend? ...Or both? Do I love them or am I just going along with it because I’m bored? Am I transgender?
Our bodies hold a lot of the answers to these questions, the problem is though, that we haven’t learned our own body language. What your body says, or sometimes doesn’t say, can be pivotal to your life. The ripple affect of listening to your body can lead to better sleep, more energy, and happier relationships! I’m creating my own infomercial 😉
But joking aside, all of that is true. When you listen to your body and understand when to put the phone down before it’s too late and you’re down a rabbit hole of comparing your body to some stranger who is profficent in photo shop, you can start to heal from unrealistic body insecurities. You can listen to your body and find that at 11 pm your body actually doesn’t want to stay up and watch the next episode of that fantastic Thriller/Drama everyone is talking about that gives you nightmares. Your body can even tell you what it is you need to have a thriving relationship, such as space, laughter, help, or intimacy. Even better, when your partner listens to their body, they can tell you what they need to thrive. And then, together you find your compromise, your meeting point that you build off of. Maybe your body needs to move more, and you normally sit in the break room, but your body would like to go for a walk. I’ve heard of people who find out they have cancer say it’s in the exact place in their body they held on to stress, anger, and/or anxiety.
What your body is telling you can go against what society is telling you (ex: Trans or boundaries) and it’s your job to listen to your body, not society.
Some of the most painful times for an individual is when their bodies are thrown off and haven’t fully grasped what they need or want. Pregnancy (and postpartum), transitioning genders, and/or losing a loved one can be critical moments for individuals because consistent hormones, safe emotions, and structure lead to your body feeling comfortable enough to communicate. When those are thrown off, or completely thrown out, it isn’t even a little bit easy to find your footing. This is where you have to find patience and let yourself re-figure out what your body many need. Understanding you are figuring it out at the same time your body is working it all out. There is no playbook, no manual for your body specifically but healing is possible. The best case scenario is work hard before these big changes if you can, so that you have the blueprint to work off when you have to start rebuilding, it doesn’t change the real pain you experience but it can help ease some of the chaos you feel inside.
And how to figure out the blueprint? Or what if you are in one of those crucial life moments like above with no blue print at all? Well, there are quite a few strategies that help actually.
Meditation: Some people, including myself, swear by meditation. The calmness you find after you learn to let the noise, the random thoughts, just float by without judgement can be healing in its own way. Many people tell me they can’t focus and so meditation just isn’t for them, while that is completely valid you have to remember it isn’t about silencing the thoughts. It can be about observing your thoughts, letting your mind heal, or centering your focus. Starting out meditation isn’t life changing, it’s simply calming and for some that may be boring compared to our lives that are full of high stimulations like technology, but that’s why it’s so important.
Therapy: This is another wonderful option where you can talk out the thoughts, the feelings, and experiences your body is having. Especially for big life changes or loss, it’s extremely important to reach out to professionals.
Fresh air/Fitness: Moving your body is you are able is a helpful tool. Many people talk about how being in nature grounds them. For me it is in the waves of any ocean, no matter how cold, feeling the water and hearing the crashing, calms my soul and recenters my thoughts.
Cold Showers: Speaking of cold, cold showers works wonders for thousands, again I swear by this and am met with blank stares and many questions. ‘Ice Man’ Wim Hof dives deep into the mental and physical pros of cold therapy from taking deep breathes to feeling simply alive from the shock of the cold.
Check ins: Some people simply just need a basic reminder to check in with their body, they know what their body is saying when they listen, sometimes they just forget to listen. Having a daily reminder on your phone, a check in from a friend holding you accountable, or trigger you build like brushing your teeth can help you stay on top of checking in.
Diet: No, I don’t mean a crash diet. I mean what you eat normally, and just checking in with your diet can be life changing. I’ve had friends find out they are allergic to food after doing Whole30 and their lives are literally more enjoyable. For me, after I gave up meat and almost all dairy, I slept tremendously better because my gut stopped hurting and I wasn’t in pain daily. When I realized my body had been trying to tell me that for so long, I was able to understand that my body was telling me alcohol was why I was getting headaches. After I gave that up, well I can truthfully say I have never felt this in tune with my body and I’ve never felt better. It was uncomfortable making changes to my diet and habits, and handling how people viewed those changes, but the long term affect for me has been tremendous.
In relationships we miss cues all the time, and we have to learn to ask crucial questions and communicate to find tangible solutions. I could read into something my wife said, frustrated she’s closed off to me and not listening, but if I asked her what was wrong, I may be shocked to find out it has literally nothing to do with me. She may be frustrated about her job or something her boss did or she’s distracted by our kids. Our bodies are the same, we just can’t have the same type of ‘conversations’, but often times it has to do with more than just “I’m just tired” as we learn to say as adults. “Tired” can mean so many things and it’s our job to figure out what that means.
My hope for you is that you can set aside 10 to 20 minutes today and sit in your thoughts, feel your feelings, and get excited about getting to know yourself and listen to your body. Think about different strategies and pick one you’ll do today and if you are unable today, make a deadline when you will accomplish it or text a friend to hold you accountable. Your body has so much to say, now it’s time to listen.